Prompt: "I think that someone on my team doesn't feel safe giving me feedback. What do I do?"
Linda Goldstein
It depends, but I would ask them face-to-face that I'd like to set up a feedback time with them the next day, and then use have a safe corner of the cafeteria or a huddle room or something. They will be stressed but hopefully it will make the point that you are open to feedback.
Start the feedback session with some small talk if you think it would be good, or go straight to "I've noticed that we've had some tension lately and I'd like to get your feedback on what has been happening".
Have some questions ready during the session, like "how do you think our interactions could be improved?" or "What do you think I could do differently?" Sometimes their answers to "What have I been doing well?" are also very revealing about what could be improved.
During the feedback session, don't reply or explain; don't say "I did that because X" or "that was because Y". This is their time to say what they have noticed, not your time to explain why those things happened.
Only explain during a feedback session if they ask- and even if they do, try to keep it very short, like "I did it because I thought I needed to because Bill said that it was important, and I didn't understand that Bob disagreed.", no more.
Also think very carefully about why they don't feel safe giving you feedback. Try hard to change this thing on your end, even if it is something that you think that they also need to change.
Mindy Or
Recruit a third party to aid in creating a safe space. This might be a coach/sponsor or it might be a sensitive manager. You can volunteer this person (or they can volunteer themselves) as an ear that will keep their feedback confidential.
Aubrey Chipman
I would want to talk to this person soon to clear up the air. To this effect, I would ask them to choose a time to get together so that we can talk.
For this whole process, I would keep in mind that this person I’m meeting is probably usually an awesome person, and I really want us to get along together. Even if I feel safe, it doesn’t mean that this other person does, and I need to be careful and set the stage towards increasing a sense of security with this person.
For the meeting itself, a technique to increase safety in a conversation that I’ve heard about is to mirror the person speaking. One person will begin, and the second person will repeat back what they have heard. This second person is not to speak otherwise, or to voice other opinions until the roles are reversed. The idea here is that any miscommunications can be spotted more easily and come to the forefront to be addressed.
In this meeting, I would also mention that feedback is ideally a net positive experience so that the recipient can grow from past hits or misses; when no feedback is given, it’s difficult to know what has gone correctly or needs adjustment.
